Friendship Break-Ups

#friends #friendships #breakups #change #university

(repurposed from a university project - Divine Feminine)

Everything I’ve learnt about love in life has come from friendships with women.

Friendships truly are one of the most incredible parts of life, a personal connection filled with love, laughter, memories, and support. Having a ‘girl group’ is huge part of a lot of women’s early lives. For me, these solid friendships came really early on, from family friends to classmates that soon turned into family. By the time I was 16, I had more than 10 years of established friendship with many of the people in my life. I never delt with the typically huge fallouts amongst my female friendships, and instead I experienced unwavering love.

Dealing with a friendship break-up for the first time, in university, really shook me. (You could say this particular ordeal is unfortunately my Roman Empire.) This person was truly a best friend to me, someone I really saw myself being inseparable with for many years. Viewing people differently because of their actions is something I’ve always struggled with, I find it very difficult to around people whose morals don’t align with my own, especially if this means they hurt other people in the process. I think this stems from my younger self, a painfully shy girl who just wanted to please everyone around her, as I’ve gotten older, I still find her within me, but I have a lot more power in my voice now. My confidence has grown, so I look to help others who haven’t found their own yet.

Arguments or disagreements with friends are difficult, being ghosted by a best friend is a completely different story. No explanation, no communication, just completely cut off. At that stage, I felt completed blindsided and confused – I’d never dealt with friends who couldn’t sit down and have open conversations about their actions, emotions, and thoughts on situations. Now, I wouldn't regard myself as a hugely sensitive person - I'm in touch with my emotions, that's for sure, but I don't tend to get offended or feel personally attacked by people words, choices, or actions. But when it comes to friends - people you've spent so much time with, created special bonds, shared secrets and dreams, when that all comes to a sudden stop it's hard not to take personally.

It’s hard in your twenties to experience change, especially when it comes to new friends and relationships, most people are experiencing this for the first time away from home, and away from usual comforts. Situations and emotions can feel more intense than usual, so taking a step back from the scenarios can help with reactions.

Now, I can take steps back from situations with friends and learn that even if it feels targeted, not everything is personal. To be secure in yourself and recog- nise that you are a good person, and a great friend, you won’t feel insecure in what you have to offer in friendships. Take a step back, breathe, and focus on what YOU have to offer.

I always found it hard not being a part of a solid girl group at uni, that was always was I’d been used to growing up, but I soon learnt that a large group of mates doesn’t always mean they’re good ones. Having friends here, there, and everywhere is much better than trying to fit the mould of a specific group of people. True friends are ones you find taking care of you in hard times, the ones who make you laugh when you don’t want to, and ones who reach out even when it’s been months or years since you last spoke. Those friends that you can pick up with and feel like no time has passed are the best friends you can possibly have. Look out for your loved ones, keep them close, check in on them, and make sure you tell them you love them!